An Excerpt from
BLACK GOLD
by Seth Rozin
Time: The near future
Place: Detroit, Michigan and various other locations around the world
ACTOR 5
The following morning, Curtis Walker made a stunning announcement.
CURTIS
Right beneath this house, my little rowhouse on Addison Street, I’ve struck oil. Black gold. Michigan crude. Gathering in a giant pool below the inner-city!
ACTOR 5
The announcement sent shock waves through the community and beyond.
JACKIE
Say what?!
ACTOR 5
Some challenged the veracity of Walker’s claim.
JACKIE
I been workin’ that hood for years and they ain’t no oil down there. Sheeeeyet!
ACTOR 5
Dr. Sherman Rikstafel, in an interview on Fox News, was singularly flummoxed.
RIKSTAFEL
Based on the patterns and…and…and conditions we understand that contribute to the…the…the…the development of a…a…a subterranean oil field, I find it highly unlikely that-- Well, really, it would be a…a…a…a…a geological anomaly.
ACTOR 4
Yet despite a shared skepticism among scientists, the oil flowed forth and so did the rhetoric.
(REV. PINKSTON appears at a ‘pulpit’
with parishioners seated before him in ‘pews’)
REV. PINKSTON
Something powerful is calling out to us in Curtis Walker’s back yard.
(“Amen!”, “Hallelujah”, etc.)
A miraculous windfall!
(“Amen!”, “Hallelujah”, etc.)
An embarrassment of riches!
(“Amen!”, “Hallelujah”, etc.)
The Devil is among us!
(shouts, gasps and protestations)
Temptation has sprung a leak in Curtis Walker’s back yard.
The devil, dressed in black, spewing from the bowels of the earth.
Do not let the cancerous ways of the corporate world poison your thinking.
Do not let this serpent’s slimy black tentacles grab hold of your souls.
Satan is inviting us into Curtis Walker’s back yard for a friendly drink from the fountain of promises.
But WE MUST RESIST!
ACTOR 6
Congressman Juanita Bailey, who grew up just three blocks away from Curtis Walker on Martin Luther King Boulevard, had a slightly different take on the enormous treasure beneath her district.
REP. BAILEY
Every couple of generations history throws us a bone, and we need to chew on that bone ‘til it dries up into dust in our mouths. To the people in my district I say: Curtis Walker has struck much more than a pool of oil. He has struck a reservoir of hope; a hidden stash of untapped potential for an entire community. Because of this bone, we can finally enjoy a place at the table. Let us chew this bone for a long, long time.
(A gaggle of reporters hound Curtis Walker,
all clamoring for his attention)
REPORTER #1
Mr. Walker: Did you know there was oil under your property?
REPORTER #2
Are you satisfied with your transaction on Ebay?
REPORTER #3
Are you planning to run for President?
REPORTER #4
Is it true you’re Jimi Hendrix’s lovechild?
ACTOR 1
As news of the new oil field reached Wall Street, the stock market began to rebound.
(The stock market line continues, now on a
dramatically upward angle)
ACTOR 2
And no sooner had people begun to think about the implications of Curtis Walker’s discovery, when opportunities began popping up on peoples’ computer screens.
SALESMAN
Feeling the pinch of a spiraling economy? Not making ends meet with your two jobs? The Personal Home Oil Rig could change your life today. With just one flip of a switch you could hit paydirt in minutes. Unlike unwieldy industrial models, The Personal Home Oil Rig is made of lightweight fiberglass and collapses down to a portable size, so you can drill your entire back yard in a matter of days. Build your fortune for only $299! And if you order now, you’ll get this stylish oil-resistant parka absolutely free!
ACTOR 2
Close.
(Salesman disappears)
ACTOR 5
Learning of Curtis Walker’s claim, the President met with Garrett Williams and William Garrett, his two closest advisors.
PRESIDENT
How much oil are they sitting on?
WILLIAMS
A pool the size of Kuwait City.
PRESIDENT
Really?
WILLIAMS
God’s honest truth, sir.
PRESIDENT
Naw!
GARRETT
We have satellite photos.
PRESIDENT
What do they show?
GARRETT
Clear evidence of petroleum activity, sir.
PRESIDENT
Petroleum activity?
GARETT
You can see it on the photos, sir.
PRESIDENT
And our guys think this could provide us with…?
WILLIAMS
60% of our oil demands for the foreseeable future.
PRESIDENT
That much?
WILLIAMS
Yes, sir.
PRESIDENT
That’s a lot.
GARRETT
We think so. Yes, sir.
PRESIDENT
(to GARRETT) Well, what the heck are we going to do, Garrett?
GARRETT
It’s William, sir.
PRESIDENT
Right. (to WILLIAMS) You’re Garrett.
WILLIAMS
Yes.
PRESIDENT
Got it.
GARRETT
That’s why we’re here, sir.
PRESIDENT
Can we evict them?
WILLIAMS
Ten thousand families?
PRESIDENT
Buy the whole neighborhood?
WILLIAMS
Only if they’re willing to sell.
GARRETT
There are some historical forces to consider.
PRESIDENT
We’ve got to be the historical forces! Can we move them to a reservation?
GARRETT
Not allowed any more.
PRESIDENT
Well, I’m all out of ideas!
ACTOR 3
Two people who were not all out of ideas were David Abramsky and his Palestinian scene partner, Amir Hadiyeh. They got together for a brainstorming session after the Israeli Defense Forces assassinated Hamas’ number three man, Ahmed Mussari.
DAVID
What if we stage a parade of ghosts who march along the fence, so that both sides have to watch us and each other at the same time.
AMIR
Very metatheatrical.
DAVID
Exactly!
AMIR
We’re actors, David. They’ll just laugh at us.
DAVID
We’ll throw it right in their faces.
AMIR
And they’ll throw it right back into ours. We’re not going to change any minds with some stupid site specific performance art piece.
DAVID
It isn’t stupid.
AMIR
Sorry… I’m thinking what my parents would say.
DAVID
We might get our faces on CNN.
AMIR
So Americans also can laugh at us!
DAVID
Maybe they should laugh at us. Maybe it’s really a comedy.
AMIR
Forty years of fighting isn’t funny.
DAVID
But if we get people to laugh first…
AMIR
People in this part of the world aren’t born with a sense of humor.
DAVID
But real life here is so absurd. We know that.
AMIR
What about a new reality television show? “This Land is My Land!”
DAVID
(in an announcer’s voice) “There’s only room for one ancient Semitic people on this ugly patch of desert. Who’s going to be the LAST MAN STANDING?”
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